Turdzilla

I went into my bedroom (the fur-ensconced chamber where I sleep with my 8 dogs), to wake up my lazy-ass dogs and before I opened the door, I was alerted to a pungent cloud of stinking rot that burned my eyes and caused a severe gag reflex and I began coughing. What could this toxic vapor be? Was a sewer backing up? Did a coven of rabid skunks convene in my basement? Did the long-dead souls from a forgotten Indian burial mound manifest inside my home? Have the Illuminati brotherhood begun experimenting on us  with experimental bio-chemical weapons? Maybe Satan himself was rising up from hell to suffocate me with his sulfuric effuse! 
  When the fog began to clear, I saw something odd on the floor. A large slow-moving object. It looked at first like the head of some hairless alien creature!  It was brown and shiny. As I watched, this dripping mass of fetid glop  morphed and undulated into unidentifiable and indistinct shapes before eventually solidifying. I watched plumes of wispy white smoke rising up and dissipating into a gray smog that hung in the space above my head. I had never seen such an evil entity, I was perplexed and felt dizzy and weak, but right before began to fade out , I gathered the strength to open a window to either scream for help or jump out. Then, a rush of air swirled in around me and the putrid stew quickly escaped. It was only then that I realized it was a turd. 
 Not just a turd! It was the turd Mother of all turds! Mega Turd! Turdzilla!  Either one of my dogs ate a dead Sasquatch or their furry ass is possessed by an oxygen-destroying malevolent demon. When the tears of poison gas can be flushed from my eyes I will probably contact the CDC for a team of Bio-Waste technicians to formulate a plan to shoot this cosmic slop into the the sun, or drop it deep down into some undersea volcano. This deadly entity of Satan must be exorcised! I may just move.