Crotch Grabber

I was walking SweetPea the Pittapotamus down the sidewalk near the motel I'm staying in, and there was a young guy loping toward us with his pansy ass sticking out over his britches and he was holding his too-large pants up by grabbing his package, as is the custom, and his movement was so bizarre, at first I believed the young man may have had a debilitating affliction or maybe a rodent had attacked him and was devouring his genitalia. No, he was simply enacting an attempt at trying to look menacing, (Haha, unsuccessfully, I might add). Sweetpea was so startled by his unusual gait, that she barked at him when he got about 10 feet from us. And the guy turned from menacing thug to terrified little baby. He held his arms straight out to defend himself from this fat little harmless dog, and he let out a frightened wail! His pants then fell down revealing purple underwear and his tiny willy bump. I laughed at the beauty of it all, and as he scuttled along the gutter with his jeans below his knees, then expressed a rude remark about my Sweetpea and asked if she was going to "eat" him! I turned towards him and laughed loudly as he passed by, and I said "what's your problem, dude?" and chuckled, "She's not a Zombie!" Then he scowled at me and began trotting down the road In his loping, groping baby-dick ass-pants idiocy, and cursing at my darling Pittapotamus. So I hollered back "Buy yourself a belt and quit being a pussy!" I was tempted to say "Sic-em girl!" But that would have been mean.