evil aliens

My body is going through some sort of metamorphosis. Maybe this is how those people in Alien felt before that slimey monster ripped through their chest. Or when those ass-weasels chewed through the colons of those Steven King characters in Dream Catcher. That's got to be the reason my insides feel like there is a life and death Armageddon battle being fought down there! If a bloodthirsty creature doesn't jump out soon and go on a murderous rampage, then maybe instead, I'll wake up tomorrow inside a lovely cocoon made of black velvet and dog fur, and then majestically emerge as a beautiful translucent multicolored polyester dayglow superfly butterfly!
Either way this stomach sickness has to end soon!


So, let me state the obvious. I'm looking for a house in the country to rent. City houses don't facilitate more than polite dainty dogs like those teacup poodles that sleep in your shoe and poop the size of an M&M. City houses, for god knows why, have carpet that has huge thick sponges under them that absorb gallons of piss and dogs find attractive. Even well behaved house-trained dogs can't resist letting go a silent cascade of their golden home brew when nobody's watching. So, no carpet.