Welcome Wagon

I was taking my girl Sweetpea for a walk and we were strolling along not bothering anyone, when a neighbor comes bounding down the sidewalk with his huge butt swaying to and fro with every deliberate step. "Hey, Is that a Pit Bull?" he says. "Excuse me?" I say, looking around to make sure he was talking to me. I chuckle and continue our leisure stroll down the street and look over my shoulder and say derisively "Do I know you?" "I just want to know if that is a Pit Bull dog" he says, putting his tiny baby hands on his gigantic hips, and scrunching his lips so tight his mouth looked like an asshole. "Haha, are you talking to me? I don't believe we've met! Are you with the Welcome Wagon?" I chuckle and smile at him and add, "I never got a basket of fruit!"
He points one of his tiny fingers at Sweetpea and says "I don't like Pit Bulls!" "Well she's not a Pit Bull" I tell him. "How do you know you hate Pit Bulls if you don't know what they look like?" He puts his miniature hand where a normal person would have a chin and furrows his brow as he appraised the conundrum I had constructed. "Maybe it's not Pit Bulls that you hate after all, since you don't know what a Pit Bull looks like, or you wouldn't have asked me if she was one! And I can assure you, sir, she is not!" I reply, "That, my friend," I explain gesturing majestically at my Sweetpea, "is a rare and elusive Pittapotamus!" Then, me and Sweetpea look at each other knowingly, and continued our stroll.
Then Mr. Chinless McWobbleass loudly exhaled, like one might do after taking a long shit, puckered up his sphincter-mouth, his squinty mole-eyes opened very wide- then he spun around on his chubby feet, muttering and waving his baby hands over his head, and I loudly laughed as his elephant-ass began swaying back and forth again as he tromped back up his steps. I stop and turn back towards him and right before he slams his door I say "I'll be looking for that fruit basket!"